Thursday, September 23, 2010

Honestly

I have been so emotional these past few days. I'm sure most would say it's pregnancy hormones (which I'm sure it is) but some of it is just the big change of the whole situation. It has been Jeremy and I together, alone (relatively speaking) for the past 7 years. Now we are adding a member to our family and it will never be JUST Jer and I. Don't get me wrong, I am beyond excited to have our little Owen, but I guess a part of me is a little scared of the unknown.
I know we are 'ready' for a baby and when we were trying, we never doubted we wanted a child. I'm not doubting it now, I guess I am a little scared because this is the biggest decision we have ever made and probably will ever make.
I know in about a month I will be gushing over our little boy and can't imagine life without him, but this is me being selfish.
I guess I'm writing this to see if anyone else had or is having these same thoughts when they were about to have their first child. Also, so I can look back at this in a year and laugh at myself for getting upset while watching the Journey episode of Glee on Youtube and bawling my eyes out when they sang 'Right down the line it's been you and me.' True story.
I hope no one takes this the wrong way and thinks I'm an ungrateful biatch because truly I'm not. I am having a lot of mixed emotions. I can't sleep at all at night anymore. The superficial me lays awake in bed just thinking about who he's going to look like and what color his hair will be. Other times, I lay awake thinking if the outfits we picked out for him for the hospital will be cute in pictures. Yeah, welcome to my head.
OK, I feel better now. You should know I don't handle change very well. But I'm sure this change will be the greatest I have ever experienced. Thanks for listening.


XOXO Haley

7 comments:

  1. Oh Haley! I am sure that what you are going through is totally normal and I am sure that I will be posting the exact same thing when my time comes. Just hang in there. xoxo

    ReplyDelete
  2. You know how long I have wanted kids. You know PK and I are more than ready and more than ecstatic to be parents. But yes, there is a little part of us that will miss just being us. I think that is so important in our marriages. Many people put their babies first and that is why marriages fail. God comes first, then spouse, then kids. At all times. Period. So yes, in a month, you will be over the moon in love with Owen, (well I'm sure you already are but you know what I mean)- just don't forget how you feel now. Don't forget how much you love Jer. Don't neglect your marriage- when Owen, (and any future siblings), see how much y'all love each other, they too will feel even more loved.

    Still praying- you are almost there!! :)

    ReplyDelete
  3. I have been having those same thoughts I am already missing just Scott and I. But I think they are normal thoughts and so we don't have much to worry about. We are getting so close!! Yay!

    ReplyDelete
  4. Sorry for the essay...

    Two months shy of having Elizabeth I was feeling the EXACT same way! Dwaine and I were married over 5 years before we had her and I wondered about how it would change us, for the better, the worse, etc.

    So how'd it play out? Well...we barely ever go on dates, which I wish we did more. When we move and are closer to family, we definitely will, and it looks like you have plenty to help so that won't be a problem. But quite honestly, I NEVER want to be away from her. It's so hard. You'll want your alone time, your couple's time, but you'll miss him, even if it's for a couple hours.

    The beginning will be the hardest, because you're only going to get breaks for a few hours at a time (at best). It would kind of irritate me that every time I wanted to hang out with Dwaine, he wanted to sleep because he'd been on baby duty. But that's when you're bond will grow strongest and it's important. You'll be exhausted, but you'll cherish it.

    But never fear, it will get back to being similar to the way it is now. No, you'll never be alone again, but you'll have a routine. 7:30 - 11 p.m. is our time together, she's consistently asleep and it's almost like it was before, except for the occasional peek at the monitor.

    The things you do together that are fun will change, because it will be the three of you. And what's fun for Owen will be fun for you and Jer. Hearing Owen laugh will be the sweetest sound you ever hear and when the two of you becomes the three of you, you'll wonder why you ever felt the way you do now.

    My problem now is that I'm so used to the three of us, it's so perfect this way, I can't imagine what it would be like to be the FOUR of us. Hrm...maybe that means I'm not ready ;)

    In any case, what you're feeling is normal! And NOT selfish!

    ReplyDelete
  5. I have a feeling that the way you are feeling is 100% natural. Most big life changes are the tiniest bit bittersweet and there is nothing wrong with recognizing that.

    Thinking of you and the hubs lots as you get closer to meeting your little baby!

    ReplyDelete
  6. sounds completely normal and rational to me - you ARE about to embark on an ever changing event - that will inevitably change yalls relationship (for the better im sure!) and everything will fall right into place. love you sweet girl. and its obvious to me that owen is going to be the spitting m=image of brock! a davis through and through

    ReplyDelete
  7. I've been meaning to comment on this post for a while now, but I don't want to sound preachy. I know when I was pregnant, that was the last thing I wanted to hear.

    I felt the same way, and it was especially bad for me because we moved in with my in-laws, so the beginning of my 3rd trimester was literally the absolute last time it would just be the two of us. After that, we'd be with his parents, then with his parents and Liam, and then with Liam. The thing about feeling that way was that I felt a little guilty about it too, because I know there are women out there who can't have a baby, there are couples who have trouble adopting and I felt like I was slapping them in the face to feel a little reluctant.

    However, it really is normal. Steph's right: there's nothing wrong with the way you're feeling. And truthfully, it makes your time as a couple in the evenings after baby has gone to bed, just that little bit more precious. Good luck in your last little bit, thinking about you!!

    ReplyDelete